Saturday, November 22, 2014
It started when he remixed a conversation that I was having with my father.
Suddenly Kevin's guitar and voice appeared in my father's bedroom.
What the hell was he doing there?
[remix of recording which appears in Progressive Lenses Post.]
It was a lovely surprise to hear him.
It was as if he had suddenly appeared from behind the sofa while I am writing this.
Oh hello Kevin!
Suddenly I am speaking to Kevin (I mean my father) and he is suddenly able to play the guitar and speak with an American accent. I mean this is seriously weird.
I don't know if Kevin somehow picked up on mindwaves, but I have been thinking that I would like to do more voice stuff.
I miss the theatre and I would like to investigate what I can do with the recorded voice as a medium.
I suggested to him that we do some sort of dialogue. He immediately responded and set up er..., he set up a Titan Pad.
This was again a surprise because it was quite unlike any dialogue that I had had in mind.
This dialogue is at first sight more like a discussion.
I was suddenly presented in his writing (speaking?) with a situation that I had never knowingly experienced called a 'teacher gathering'.
I know teacher meetings, conferences but gatherings - that sounds sort of informal and maybe fun to me.
Nope don't do gatherings. [interesting that I would never say Nope in 'real life' - that is me acting]
We then started talking about voice.
When I say we started talking, well we are writing.
It is not synchronous.
When I was writing the conversation with my father, the dialogue was synchronous.
I was actually speaking with him when I was writing it.
I would stop to hear him speak. How weird is that?
I wasn't writing, I was speaking.
Now I am not sure if I am writing or speaking?
He (Kevin) wanted to know whether I am the same online as offline.
He (Kevin) wanted to know whether there is one of me?
Well, I am pretty sure that I am the same online and offline.
I am not at all the same as this person who is taking over writing this sentence.
[later editing - this is weird]
I am variously absent and present in my writing.
I am equally variously present and absent when I am speaking.
I am fairly sure that I feel much better when I am absent or at least when I am not aware of my presence.
I suppose this is what they call the flow.
I suppose I am pretty much most the time in a flow.
I suppose this is why I am so annoying to people who imagine that I am actually there.
Presence or absence?
I suppose that when I am absent other people might imagine or say that I have 'presence'.
Well I suppose I have presence in my absence.
I was thinking about this.
I suddenly started thinking of myself when I am acting (hence the photo).
When I am acting, I have been absorbed by a role. I am pretty much absent. I am just lending myself as an instrument.
Writing this at the moment, I am variously aware of presence and absence.
I have a vague awareness that I am watching myself (a self?) writing this.
This is all getting a little confusing.
As I said to Kevin, there are often times when I write that I do not recognise the voice of the person writing.
I recognise the voices of others. I don't recognise these voices which others might call my voice.
That's it, I am completely confused.
What or who am I confused with?
I am lost now. [of course you idiot - you love playing around with roles, you are a (play) actor goddam it]
Yes he is.