Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Men in iron masks.

"We show the room where the man in the iron mask was imprisoned for seventeen years, it's quite big, has a vaulted ceiling and is lit by a single window. It is perhaps the only place on the island which is dark and cool, at the time of the year when we were visiting, we could appreciate the shade all the more, but the contrast of this darkness with the startling light which floods the bay and the wonderful amphitheatre of the Var mountains, must have worsened the sadness of the poor prisoner."

http://provence-historique.mmsh.univ-aix.fr/Pdf/PH-2003-53-212_07.pdf

Hang dog.

He sat there alone, a beaten dog, his whole being was caving in on the chair. Each time he attempted to verbalise, his eyes welled up, his shoulders dropped, it was all that he could do not to sob.

He could see no further than the bars.

We were his jailers.

He was waiting for the bullet.

Burning in hell.

"You were in a bad way." she said.

I knew that to be true.

I let it bleed.

I could say it.

Who might listen, I didn't care.

I could say it.

I could shriek it.

It was a first step.


Hang dog.

"It's OK to cry," I said,  

"I spent months unable to do more than weep."

"I know it is not OK."

"It is shit."

"It is worse than shit."

"That is where you are."

"I know."

While we can, while we are not threatened in our candour, let us weep.

In that box.

There was a dark stain on the faded wall-paper.

We sat watching the stain, it did not move.

We looked at the the place where the TV had been before its repossession.

We became suddenly aware of the poverty of the decoration.

Angular, low ceiled, square windowed, we saw the ugliness of "social" architecture for what it was.

We were in the box marked: "Trash".

"Things can always get worse," I said.

All amusement had been stripped away.

Chains of sorrow.

I read the bleakness of my friend's words.


"I been brought down to zero, pulled out and put back there.
I sat on a park bench, kissed the girl with black hair
And my head shouted down to my heart
“You better look out below!”
Hey, it ain’t such a long drop don’t stammer don’t stutter
From the diamonds in the sidewalk to the dirt in the gutter
And you carry those bruises to remind you wherever you go."

It had taken a while to summon the courage, to return there.

We insulate ourselves.

We hope for better.

Until the train crash.

They record the facts.

We are the small print.

On the railroad.


I am propped up, my face gazing at reflections, stuck to the pane of the carriage window.  Condensation mists my view, water drops slide down the glass like so many tears. 

All is darkness.

Little lights, 
Of little lives, 
Of little homes, 
Rush by.

I catch glimpses of family life.

I catch glimpses of bedsit life.

I imagine, fights, parties, laughter, anger, birth and grief.

My mind reaches out an instant, and then they are gone, gone into the darkness.

We never meet.

We never meet.

We never meet.

We are never met.

Men in iron masks.

There are those who have a black heart, who revel in a living death.

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.” 

Dorothy Parker

Wealth is just deserts.

Poverty is indigestion.

You are the shit.

You don't like it?

They don't like it.

It's an annoyance.

"Be happy to live, dog!"

"Your fucking misery is polluting the mediterrenean."

"Die, drown, weep but not on my fucking beach."

There was a time, their gloves were velvety Dolce and Gabbana.

Now their gloves are off.

They have iron fists.

They have iron hearts.

They have iron souls.

They have iron bars to ruin any view.

Weep, so that they may rust and rot...

A hidden message.

Three hundred years later, we walked into the cell.

We saw a little hole in the painted wall. 

We stretched up, poked a stick in the hollow. 

Pulling the stick back, we drew out a bundle of manuscripts tied up in string.

The bundle belonged to an Irish prisoner.

We took it out into the light to inspect it.

Half written in English, half written in French.

The words of Andrew Mac Donagh spell

"FREEDOM"

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” 

Maya Angelou. I know why the caged bird sings.

“Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.” 


Virginia Woolf.  A room of one's own.

Steel my poem friends.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Fire-raisers


"Il a l'intelligence d'un cendrier vide."
(Sven Mary avocat belge de Salah Abdesalam)

"He has the intelligence of an empty ash-tray."  

http://www.liberation.fr/france/2016/04/26/sven-mary-comme-si-j-etais-abdeslam_1448793

Playing with fire 

I loved that role.

I was a fire-raiser invited to act in the Max Frisch play.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fire_Raisers_(play)

I loved playing evil.

I sneered, I spat, I glowered with menace.


I got to smoke long cigars.

I was fourteen.

I was angry.

Resident evil

There is a real carnavale joy in playing evil. 

There is nothing intellectual about it.

It is visceral.
It is viscious.
It is hateful.
It is joyful.

There is real power in the embrace of evil.

Burn, break, destroy.

Senseless, bestial, exhuberant violence.

Kîll the pig. Kill the pig. Kill the pig.


The place of education

I think back to the intelligence of the teacher who cast me in that role, who chose that play. 

How can you possibly understand the anger within you if there is no place to express it safely?

I learnt more thanks to that teacher than any of the others I had.

Thank you Geoffrey Lee.

Thinking of the unthinking.
Thinking of the unthinkable.

I was reading Bonnie Stewart's post

"The spectacle...or Welcome to the handbasket?"


"Spectacle. Power. The fomenting of archaic hatreds, not because one necessarily believes them…but because they’re there"

I was reading Sean Michael Morris' post 

"The place of education."


"It’s impossible to deny we live in frightening times when our country looks at fascism as a viable alternative."

When have times not been frightening?

I am thinking of the complacency of the Biedermann family in the Fire-raisers who allow the arsonists to stay with them.

The Biedermann family's house will burn.

"This dark comedy is set in a town that is being regularly attacked by arsonists. Disguised as door-to-door salesmen (hawkers), they talk their way into people's homes and settle down in the attic, where they set about the destruction of the house. Written in the years following World War II, as a metaphor for Nazism and fascism, the play shows how "normal" citizens can be taken in by evil."

A little less conversation.

I am thinking of the limits of conversation with a football hooligan who wanted to "smash my face in" because I was there.

I was thinking of the limits of conversation with a class of kids I had to teach for whom my success as a teacher was limited to avoiding them smashing each others' faces in, class after class.

The place of education? 

I am thinking of the gap between the depth of discussion witnessed among participants in #digped discussions and that possible with some of the kids I teach. 

The place of education?

I remember reading the anger of an ex-student who after the Nice attack on July 15th suggesting applying medieval torture methods to terrorists on Facebook. I am fairly sure that he wouldn't have shared those words with me face to face in a classroom.

The place of education?

Just under the surface in our societies bubbling up is anger, hatred, violence.

The place of education?

We can not assume that polite conversation between ourselves or with momentarily polite students will be an answer to resolving deeper emotional issues.

We can not assume that people have the intellectual means to engage in constructive discussion.

Perhaps we must find the creative means to enable the expression of anger, hate, violence so that it may be at first recognised and then transformed into something positive for our communities.

What the hell is education for if it doesn't allow us to deal with all our humanity - red in tooth and claw? 

Polite discussion won't suffice.

There are arsonists in the house.

They are determined.

They aren't Guardian readers.


"I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter,
you're the firestarter, twisted firestarter.
I'm the bitch you hated, filth infatuated."

(Firestarter. The Prodigy)










Sunday, November 2, 2014

no future? RISE UP.

NO FUTURE
"God save the queen, we mean it man.
There is no future in England's dreaming.
No future for you, no foture for me.
No future, no future, for you."
"God save the queen, we mean it, man
There is no future in England's dreaming
No future for you, no future for
me
No future, no future for you"

Nobody is reading, nobody is listening. 
I am reading a TERRy pOST.
and the void sounds back.

I am feeling pretty vacant. PRETTY
VACANT

ANDI don't care. I DON'T CARE. DON'T CARE.

I read a Susan post. 

Work. More work. 
No walks.  No exercise. 
No real feeling of accomplishment other than not falling off of a mental treadmill. 
NO outlet
NO OUTLET
There is a SIGN
ENERGY.
STOP ENERGY.

We are on the edge
We are on the edge

NOT LE OUT...
We are pushed to the limits of reason.
CHAINS. WE ARE IN CHAINS.
BLUES
CONSTRAINTS.

WELCOME
STOP.YELL.SHRIEK. RAGE. CRY.STOP.YELL.SHRIEK. RAGE. CRY.STOP.YELL.SHRIEK. RAGE. CRY.STOP.YELL.SHRIEK. RAGE. CRY.STOP.YELL.SHRIEK. RAGE. CRY.STOP.YELL.SHRIEK. RAGE. CRY.

RISE.RISE.
UP.RISE.
UP.RISE.
UP.RISE.
UP.RISE.
UP.
UP.
I read a thank you post. A SUSAN POST. IT Had an idea.  It was a connection. It was the idea.




Read a TERRY post. 

It speaks of an enclosure that we are closing our kids in.
It speaks of freedom lost.


There is a connection in all this... ANGER.  We are reaching our limits. We are reaching our limits. 

I have hope. 


I have hope in anger.  

HOPE.  FUcking hope. The fucking hope is in the anger.the anger.

IT's yOU.the anger.

IT's yOU.the anger.

IT's yOU.the anger.

IT's yOU.the anger.

IT's yOU.

IT's yOU.



IT's yOU.

IT's yOU.

IT's yOU.

ANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGY

ANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGYANGER IS AN ENERGY


“Anger is an energy. It really bloody is. It’s possibly the most powerful one-liner I’ve ever come up with. When I was writing the Public Image Ltd song ‘Rise’, I didn’t quite realize the emotional impact that it would have on me, or anyone who’s ever heard it since. I wrote it in an almost throwaway fashion, off the top of my head, pretty much when I was about to sing the whole song for the first time, at my then new home in Los Angeles. It’s a tough, spontaneous idea. ‘Rise’ was looking at the context of South Africa under apartheid. I’d be watching these horrendous news reports on CNN, and so lines like ‘They put a hotwire to my head, because of the things I did and said’, are a reference to the torture techniques that the apartheid government was using out there. Insufferable. You’d see these reports on TV and in the papers, and feel that this was a reality that simply couldn’t be changed. So, in the context of ‘Rise’, ‘Anger is an energy’ was an open statement, saying, ‘Don’t view anger negatively, don’t deny it – use it to be creative.’ I combined that with another refrain, ‘May the road rise with you’. When I was growing up, that was a phrase my mum and dad – and half the surrounding neighbourhood, who happened to be Irish also – used to say. ‘May the road rise, and your enemies always be behind you!’ So it’s saying, ‘There’s always hope’, and that you don’t always have to resort to violence to resolve an issue. Anger doesn’t necessarily equate directly to violence. Violence very rarely resolves anything. In South Africa, they eventually found a relatively peaceful way out. Using that supposedly negative energy called anger, it can take just one positive move to change things for the better. When I came to record the song properly, the producer and I were arguing all the time, as we always tend to do, but sometimes the arguing actually helps; it feeds in. When it was released in early 1986, ‘Rise’ then became a total anthem, in a period when the press were saying that I was finished, and there was nowhere left for me to go. Well, there was, and I went there. Anger is an energy. Unstoppable.” 
― John LydonAnger is an Energy: My Life Uncensored


MAHA via SHYAM adds another refrain. 

RISE
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.