Monday, October 24, 2016

Finding bearings...

Where am I now?

Here I am mapping again.

I have put a cross on routes which I have taken which lead to blind alleys, are undesirable or are beyond me.

I haven't bothered with other implausible paths.

Shalt nots.

I shall never play rugby for England.

I shall not climb Everest.

I shall not spend my time getting an impressive academic impact rating.

I shall not screw people over for an easy buck.

I shall never be satisfied with material wealth.

I shall not not care about others, even those who do me wrong.


Nothing less than universal world peace, love, empathy, care, social justice, respect for fellow beings, a sustainable mode of exchange for the planet, music, poetry, dance etc etc will suffice.


I am an insignificant signifying speck in the probably ever expanding and uncaring universe.

There are moments when this reality makes me feel much better.

I don't matter much.

I am not doing so much harm on my own...surely?

It won't last (probably) long.

There are moments when the reality of war, hate, ignorance, injustice, disrespect for fellow beings and the environment, Simon Cowell and the X factor get me down.

I have five coping strategies:
  • Sharing my upset with (un)caring others
As here.
  • Bleak humour.

I tell myself:

"There's no point taking life too seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway."

That helps sometimes.

  • Momentary insanity.

I try to avoid being certified and sectioned.

  • Communing with nature

I go for a walk with the dog.

  • Thinking things can also get worse.

I know from experience that things do get worse.

  • Occasional and desperate atheist prayer to whoever might listen. (I am an agnostic atheist).

I admit to that here.

It is pathetic.

  • I imagine my thought has butterfly freedom.

I admit to borderline insanity.

Finding Bearings.

I put a copy of my mapping here.

Others will find it difficult to find their bearings with this map or to follow my thinking....Sorry.


I can
  • speak a couple of languages, 
  • write, 
  • listen, 
  • sing when pressed, 
  • do arty stuff in my own fashion, 
  • am curious and learn, 
  • work with others,
  • do research 
  • network
  • communicate online

I have

  • a little time
  • a little energy
  • a fairly clear idea of who I am/who I am not.
  • a stable job
  • long experience of repetitive failures.
  • little fear of failures.
  • internet access
  • access to people I know
  • the means to find people I don't know.
  • clear values
  • love
  • family
  • friends
  • dog
  • cats (too many)


I have potential desirable directions.

I have potential desirable connections.

I have potential desirable actions.

I have no clearly defined outcomes.

I have allies.

I have potential allies.

I have a lot of fuzzy, messy eventualities.

I am a pessimistic optimist.

“Pessimism is, in brief, playing the sure game. You cannot lose at it; you may gain. It is the only view of life in which you can never be disappointed. Having reckoned what to do in the worst possible circumstances, when better arise, as they may, life becomes child's play.”  

Thomas Hardy.

Failure is the only certainty.

I am good at failure.

I reference Churchill for a rousing quote:

"Success consists in going from failure to failure withou loss of enthusiasm."

I have had outstanding and continual success.

Bravo me!


1 comment:

  1. Put one foot in front of the next and you'll be surprised by where you end up.

    I often think of how insignificant I am within the billions on this planet, and the billions of other planets in the universe.

    Within the quicksand of this discouragement I start my day by putting one foot in front of the other. Or, in Internet terms, opening one link and one article after another and seeing where this leads.

    What seems like random effort is really a consistent set of actions that I began to implant upon my soul more than 30 years ago.

    After I take my last breath some of my breadcrumbs will still be sitting on the table of the world wide web.